Friday, October 17, 2014

even though it hurt i'm still happy :')

2014
''Its the year of full of joy, laughter, sadness, hurt, happiness,
its the year that somehow change me a lot.''

i used to be a person who never care about others,
a cold person,
a kind of person who take love for granted,
a kind of person who never appreciate someone,
a kind of person who is too choosy, 
a show off kind of person,
a person who love partying with drugs,alcohol and women.
but,
something happen early this year
i feel very committed towards something,
i know that i need to set some good example for other people,
slowly i care about all the people who care about me,
i've shown more love than before,   
i'm beginning to smile more than ever,
i learn how to appreciate all of their sacrifices and make mine for them,
i am not too choosy nowadays,
didn't show off but i am friendly and willing to share everything i know with everyone,
i became very friendly,
though its hard at first i manage to slow down on partying and stop illegal used of drugs,
i didn't go out and play around with women anymore,
and the biggest achievement is i am rarely drinks alcohol nowadays.

I still don't have an explanation for what happen right now,
this is the first time i am willing to do anything for someone,
that someone who opened my heart to love,
even though its not the first time i fall in love,
this is the first time i am ready for commitment,
its nice to be in love even its for awhile,
it is even better to cared for someone special,
to be protective kind of person,
to put someone first in my life,
to make them smile everyday,
even though lots of thing happens,
i never give up,
this is the best fighting spirit i ever had for someone,
She might not realize it, 
she might think i'm not happy with her presence,
but,
i do love everything she did that make me even better person that the past me,
even though there's a part of cries, hurt, sadness, depression,
i still want to go for it,
the first time thinking about marriage,
i am glad that god give me the most precious give in my entire life.
Thank You dear for this untold special feelings.

On this post also, i would like to say that i will be away for quiet some time,
its not i'm running away from all the problems,
it is because i am weak now,
i am too depress,
i am half crazy right now,
i can't think straight right now,
i need to find peace,
i need to find back my strength,
because all the piece of me is broken and shattered in million pieces,
i'll find my way back up,
i'll find a new place with no memories and pain.
i wish she will always be there, but its my mistake i expect too much from impossible situation.

Thank you for this amazing roller coaster ride
Nur Syahira

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